[picture source :google healthline]
By Lurnay Tshabalala-Mavuso | 02 Nov 2022
First of all sex is a very beautiful and lovely thing that is supposed to bring two people together and join them in pleasure, health, fun and love in some cases. However it is very much worrying and emotionally daunting when looking at how sex is today. Sex today is used to make women and feminine queer people to submit and grovel to men who are "societally" perceived as the owners of sex because they are the ones that penetrate.
This has caused a lot of havoc in so many relationships and marriages because, women and feminine queer people are made to feel ashamed of being sexual beings, more especially ashamed of being the ones to initiate sexual encounters with their partners. This opens a huge hole of issues in not only the relationship but in the psyche of the woman and femine queer person, because they in most cases end up with self-esteem issues, Mental health issues involving body dysmorphia and anxiety.
The purpose of this writing is not to bash men but rather, it is to be the eye-opener and the uncomfortable conversation addressor as this topic is most likely in so many instances not discussed at all especially before sexual encounters or after sexual encounters. I feel men do not understand what CONSENT means to a full extent and I feel as though women and feminine queer people are not given enough respect when it comes to asking for consent fully to perform certain sexual moves on them. This happens a lot in so many relationships and/or sexual encounters where women and feminine queer people find themselves having to fake orgasms, mainly because of not enjoying the sex and also because of the giver of the pleasure is only being considerate of himself only and not his partner.
This makes women and feminine queer folks to suffer in silence because also they keep the thought of not wanting to kill the man's confidence, if they would tell him about them not feeling the sex or rather let me put it this way, 'Not getting the expected pleasure'.
Now this takes me to giving the reason why I say sex is being used as a tool for Patriarchy. I say this because, when women and feminine queer people sit in silence, they subject to having their full consent taken away from them without asking and also subject to being reduced to nothing but powerless beings who should just lay down when in the bedroom and this is not entirely their fault but the fault of their partners - MEN, who do not make it a point to communicate well during sex and to make sure that their partner is well and is also getting the pleasure that he is also feeling because, truth is a man will always feel pleasure even if the sex is not attached to love and emotions, like e.g, Hook-up Sex. So what men need to do is to ensure that their partners are well and also receiving pleasure too.
They should also strive to allow their partners to take charge of the sexual encounter and to initiate the sex so that, that way they can learn what it is that makes their partner happy and satisfied. Which could be a better way to avoid cheating and infidelity in the relationship and marriage. However I am not a sex therapist or doctor, but I can highly recommend that you can buy and read, Dr Tlaleng Mofokeng's Guide To Sexual Health & Pleasure, which is a book that will provide you with all the sexual health and pleasure information and advice that you can use to help better your sexual life and health. You can find the book at so many bookstores, including Van Schaik bookstore, Takealot.com, Exclusive Books, & Bargain Books
