By Lurnay Tshabalala-Mavuso | 03 November 2022
I totally agree that being a parent to a queer child is not easy at all, let alone being a parent. I say this as a queer child who was raised from a family that did well with raising me, even though I never came out (not that there was a need for me to), I never came out because I didn't know who and what I was but the society decided for me and chose to categorize me under a banner that they saw fit for them to put me and at the same time use to ostracize me.
What I noticed is that my elders found it challenging to talk to me especially when I reached my pre-teen years and my teenage years (which now have passed). They have had times where they didn't know how to talk to me about sex and how to initiate the conversation. However my mother has always been an open-minded person and so were my late grandmothers. They used media a lot to start conversations with me that they found to be challenging. Which is not really what I would advice parents to queer children to do, but it does help at times. The watching of sexual scenes and reading of magazine articles that talk about sex, is what makes teenagers tick especially when they are sitting with their elders, so what you can do is to start the conversation by asking questions like, How's school?, What are you guys busy with at school?, Where are your friends?, remember that the reason for you to ask these kinds of questions is so you can establish a good relationship, and try not to be judgemental too when they answer your questions and you find something a little off.
Also what you can do is to talk to them about attending pride festivals and ask them how they feel about attending pride festivals and also ask them how they feel about alcohol and what age do they think is good for one to start drinking. Remember to be in a relaxed posture and composure when you ask these questions, and Do not be judgemental!, don't judge their views and opinions even if you do not agree with them, remember you are trying to establish a good relationship between the two of you. We all know that relationships between teenagers and their parents are quite shaky, so this is all for you to have a good relationship with your teenager so that they can trust you and also so that you can get to the stage of them talking to you about dating and sex and how they can protect themselves when having intercourse.
There is no manual for parenting and there is no manual for queer parenting as well, you just learn as you go. What you need to do is to be open-minded, be willing to learn, allow your child to teach you and also do not be judgmental. Just be open and also try to understand the things that they like doing during their time off school and try not to criticize their hobbies, instead pick one that would be suitable for you to do with them and when you find time in your own schedule, do that hobby with them. This will bring you even more closer. For me what drew my mom and I closer is TV, we love the same TV series and this has been so for years now even today, I am 23 years old but I still enjoy watching TV with my mom, when she's free and when I'm free too. TV is our bonding time. So find that one thing your child loves and do it when them.
Remember I am not a social behavior and psychology expert, and this article is written as an advice based on my own personal experience and observations.